February 21, 2014


Yes. I actually am making a blog post about our basement & how it is uber-creepy. Hahahaha. & you're reading it. So who's more ridiculous now?! Hmm?
So, let me just say, that our basement is only part of the whole basement of this building, since we share it w/a store & another apartment (at least one?). So our section isn't huge. But, nonetheless, w/out light, it has been uber creepy. In fact, for the first year (true story) we lived here, I would NOT even go down there. I didn't do any laundry or anything (score!).
It may have been even longer than a year...I'm guessing yes.

Eventually, though-mostly from annoyance at the way hubby does the laundry-I had to venture. Leaving all doors open & lights on.

My conclusion? Our basement is still as creepy now as it was when our landlord first had showed us the apt. Seriously.

Here are some pictures of the stuff down there. Annd, I might note-these pictures are only possible cause my husband hooked up a second light to turn on. So you can imagine how creepy it was before!

There's like, a fridge. From the 60's or something! I am soo tempted to open it, but am pretty sure it'll be something scary, like the fridge in the book 'It' (don't ask, if you don't know :-P)!

This desk & door next to it look much more friendly in the light...except...I SWEAR there is a mattress & old pillow behind that door! I ONLY saw it opened once (when we first moved to the apt), & so could be wrong. Husband says I am, but...I DO know there's no light in there, so....riiiight.
I had to work REALLY long & hard to convince myself there wasn't a homeless person sleeping in our basement!
(NOTE: all the reality aside-he really couldn't get OUT or IN...but maybe it's....gah! I'm creeping myself out, haha :-P )

Um...there is random, old, yellowing toilet paper there that hasn't been touched in ages, & there are pipes for plumbing...?! Maybe there was an office or something. No idea. I DO remember landlord not really having a clue when he told us, other than that they had a toilet there. So....CREEPNESS!

Ok, now, imagine this with about half as much light...see?! I KNOW!!!

The point of all this?
Basements can be some really creepy places.

February 13, 2014


 Let me start by saying this is NOT a fat-shaming, or self-hatred post. I may talk about those aspects, but it is not. I fully understand people can love themselves & feel good in life. I just think, especially for me personally, if it's unhealthy--it needs to change. That is all. Continue...

...Just sayin'...

For all the 'love yourself' & 'the entertainment world's idea of a female body is SO tainted!' & the 'big is beautiful' talk out there--the truth is, it's not a good idea to be obese. Nor is it a good idea to be too thin. & even more importantly-it is NOT wise/cool/right to conform to another person's standard for YOUR body.

But realistically, having too much fat around your organs, is not good.
I can't write about the 'too skinny' aspect much, cause I haven't been there.

I used to have a ridiculous hatred for a person being obese. Like, I just felt many people are overweight, but obese (super fat) people have SO MANY excuses  as to the whys & the reasons--I wanted to punch them in the face.
I can laugh about this now, because I realize it was mostly brought on by self-hatred.
I still have a huge helping of that, but, I understand I can't project it on to others, & should deal with my own issues.

I don't agree there is a certain specific size a certain person of a certain height should be, but I know that there are points when too heavy becomes a bad thing.

So how does a person balance this? How does one love themselves, be happy with who they are, be content, yet realize it's not healthy to be overweight?
Cause seriously? It's not. Whatever way you cut it. Too much fat, like too much of anything, isn't good.

In my own case, it's been a wrecking ball (gaah. all that phrase conjures up is idiotic M.C.!). I've not been a good weight since...Probably since I was like 9. Life got hectic/dramatic/traumatic/dysfunctional, blah blah--& I became more depressed, & food became what I went to when I was stressed/depressed, or bored. So, you can see the most boring/stressful times in my life by how fat I was :-P

The past 6yrs or so, I've gained...well, a LOT. Because life's gotten either increasingly depressing, or boring (not boring in that 4 kids isn't enough to do, but boring to ME, as in-I lack interest). Now, I know it's my own fault, blah blah, & I know that these are my triggers/problems, but regardless--it has.
So here I am. Dangerously obese.  There are times I come close to loving myself, or a bit closer to loving something about myself or life--but it never quite gets there. That being said, how can I tell I'm dangerously fat, if we shouldn't fat-shame?

Well, I'm unhealthy.
By the world's medical field--I'm obese. By my personal feelings--I'm obese. I can feel it in the sluggish way my body responds to everything. I can feel it in the pain on my joints, that's getting worse. I can feel it in how things are getting harder & harder to do.

So, if the depression was taken away, & my life & faith & emotional state were good, & I saw myself as a productive person, a good member of society, loved & needed...If I was on my thyroid medication & so my hormones were good, & I was able to lose weight better. If the things beyond my control were fixed--could I stay as I am?

No, I could not. Cause my knees & ankles don't appreciate the extra fat. My heart surely doesn't. My 4 boys I have to chase don't.

& while I was overweight when my husband met me, & he still loved me that way (I used to firmly believe no one could really love someone so fat--isn't that sad?! I now KNOW better :-) ), I know that he'd like me to be more healthy too. Obviously appearance factors in at some stage (seriously, I'm not TOTALLY on board w/the 'no matter what' stance!), but more so, because my lack of energy/health takes a toll on the family, & family life. 

I guess I'm just writing this (albeit as hard a post as it is for me), because it's often still ridiculous to me how people think it's 'OK' to be unhealthy (whether too skinny, or too fat, or whatever), as long as you feel good about yourself. I don't think this is right at all.

Interestingly enough, it reminds me of sin :-) Of which gluttony is, by the way!
We go through life with a sin that perhaps isn't murder, or robbing banks, or whatnot, and we get into a comfortable place little by little, till we pretend we feel good about ourselves, & convince ourselves then, that it's ok to be in that sin. It's not murder, after all.
But, as with gluttony, & as I can attest, it's not really. No amount of self-love can make something not-good-for-you good; no amount of telling ourselves it's ok to be in a 'little' sin can make it right.

As a side note, I don't write this for a pity party, just to share thoughts, & to hopefully start on a journey towards bettering my healthy & self.
I have a lot to work on, internally, AND externally. They have to go together, I think, in my case.

February 5, 2014


(from our front porch)



(ok ok, I know-WORDLESS! But just wanted to say, I took this pic of lights in a park, from a moving car, lol!)

Christmas Lights, N.A.Park, Scranton PA, 2012